A son, who may not carry on your name but along with Rose, will carry on your line. Your line won’t die out with Robert and me.’ I looked over at my brother and saw tears running silently down his cheeks.’ ‘I was so mad at you.’ He choked out looking at his father. Thomas looked at his son. ‘I didn’t understand how you could leave your family for another woman.’ Robert stood up and walked over to our father. Kneeling before him, ‘Can you ever forgive me dad?’ Thomas held his arms out to his son and Robert went into them crying like a baby against his chest. I looked over at my mother and saw she to had tears in her eyes. * * * Six months later in the middle of July on a warm summer day, we buried Thomas Miller. The man I knew as my father. The man I loved with all my heart. As I stared at his casket and held the hand of my son, I hoped that John would grow up to be just like the best man I had ever known. Chapter 15 Thursday, August 12th Hawk’s POV Today is the day I have been. I am not actually a compulsive transvestite, though I do take considerable pleasure in dressing, but the main reason is that it enables me to control other people in a way I could not do before.I have taken some trouble to learn how girls of 'my age' walk, talk and behave, their gestures, their enthusiasms, their ways of sitting. Not of course the commonalty of young girls, but rather the upper class children, those who might attend the sort of private school whose uniform I wear, the girls who sit with their knees and ankles pressed together, with their skirts smoothed under them, not those who sprawl in jeans like a boy. I try to be as feminine as possible in a 'well-brought-up' manner. My behavior now would put to shame that sort of girl!I always call Christine and Joe 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' and try to use the vocabulary of a young girl - everything is sweet, cute, darling or precious. Or 'gross' or 'yucky'. I also use the exaggerated gestures of an exuberant pre-teen girl and even.
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